Update 8-19-03


Hi,

Once again, Cleveland earns its reputation as a national punch line (Sorry, Wes, I know you live near there).

On lighter matters:  

From Robert Fiveson:  Yes, Judy, Tiny Tim was Larry Love.  We have a winner!
     To Tom Calise:  Tommy, you are a great guy. Yes, I remember visiting you at your trailer. You were a mechanic for the airlines as I recall (and I was very impressed, since adjusting the valves on an old diesel Mercedes is the furthest I ever got in that arena).  I think that was two wives ago for me, too.  I would love to visit you on your 11 acres!  Can we shoot things and eat them?
     As for Bittman and buying drugs online -- check out this link (and see if you can figure out what's going on):  http://64.40.108.190/b/bmo.php
     And while I am at it -- what are these two about exactly?
           http://puttyworld.com/
           http://www.rathergood.com/

[And how did you find these links, exactly, Robert?  I suppose they just popped onto your screen.]

From Barnet Kellman:  Hello, all.  A friend of mine is writing a book chronicling the first visits of The Beatles to the U.S.  She would like to talk to people who went to New York City and stood outside their hotel, or went to JFK (still Idlewild then, I think) when they arrived, etc.  Since we're pretty close to the perfect age group to have done that stuff, I offered to ask you all if any of you have recollections you would be willing to share with her.  If so, please contact me at: bkkellman@aol.com
Love to all.

From Steve Gootzeit:  A South High trivia question.  For several months, all the clocks in school stopped.  What time was it, to the nearest five minutes?

[And what year was it?  I must have skipped that one.  No, no, wait -- I remember these in conjunction with Lillian Hardy's dark stockings.  Or was it John Knapp's velvet collars jackets.  Damn, that would have been too early for me to be doing mushrooms.]

Some business:  The other night I went onto Classmates.com.  There are still about 90 names listed, when you eliminate the duplicates, and two dozen are people we're not in contact with.  I've sent some of them blind e-mail before, but, once again, I did my cheerful pitch about our free home page.  The following are people I wrote.  If their names are italicized, it means they picked up their mail (the computer tells me this).  Still, none of them got back to me, so while it's nice to know they're presumably well, it seems none want to be in touch.  Sue Atkins, Ellen Brody, Alan Feldman, Gary Gray, Roberta Grodin, Jack Hubbard, James Karl, Carole LaDuca, Michael Stellato, Linda Muhlbauer, Dick Magee, Kathleen Adamo, Janice Muller (Savoia), George Smith, Robert Smith, Deborah Sack (Susner), Rosemary Tadler, Diane Varricchio, Greg Weiss, Judi Weltner (Romano), Lee Yu, Robert Zelin, Linda Ziegler.
     If any of you want to pass a message on to one of these people, please send it to me.  Maybe, if I mention your name on the subject line and give them your e-mail address, they'll get back to you,

Finally, a long routine Barbara Blitfield Pech sent me, which I've been holding for a slow week:

ABBOT: Ultimate SuperDuper Computer Store.  Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks.  I'm setting up a home office in the den, and I'm thinking of buying a computer.
ABBOT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name is Bud.
ABBOT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer.  I want to buy one.
ABBOT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name is Bud.
ABBOT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why?  Does it get stuffy?
ABBOT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know.  What do I see when I look out the windows?
ABBOT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows.  I need a computer and software.
ABBOT: Software that runs on Windows?
COSTELLO: No, on the computer!  I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses. You know, run a business.  What have you got?
ABBOT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office.  Can you recommend anything?
ABBOT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOT: Recommended something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOT: Yes.
COSTELLO: Okay, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office.
ABBOT: Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office, and it already has windows!  Let's say
I'm sitting at my computer, and I want to type a proposal.  What do I need?
ABBOT: Word.
COSTELLO: If I'm writing a proposal, I'm going to need lots of words.  But what program do I load?
ABBOT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOT: The Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in "office for windows?"
ABBOT: The Word you get when you click the blue W.
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your big W if you don't give me a straight answer. Let's forget about words for a minute.  What do I need if I want to watch a movie over the Internet?
ABBOT: RealOne.
COSTELLO: Maybe a real movie, maybe a cartoon.  What I watch is none of your business.  But what do I need to watch it?
ABBOT: RealOne.
COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I'll also want to watch reels two, three, and four.  Can I watch reel four?
ABBOT: Of course.
COSTELLO: Great! With what?
ABBOT: RealOne.
COSTELLO: Okay, so I'm sitting at my computer, and I want to watch a movie.  What do I do?
ABBOT: You click the blue 1.
COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
ABBOT: The blue 1.
COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue W?
ABBOT: Of course it is.  The blue 1 is RealOne.  The blue W is Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: But there's three words in "office for windows!"
ABBOT: No, just one.  But it's the most popular Word in the world.
COSTELLO: It is?
ABBOT: Yes, although to be fair there aren't many other Words left.  It pretty much wiped out all the other Words.
COSTELLO: And that word is the real one?
ABBOT: No. RealOne has nothing to do with Word.  RealOne isn't even part of Office.
COSTELLO: Never mind; I don't want to get started with that again.  But I also need something for bank accounts, loans, and so on.  What do you have to help me track my money?
ABBOT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right.  What do you have?
ABBOT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOT: No, not really.  It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What comes bundled with my computer?
ABBOT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes bundled with my computer?
ABBOT: Exactly.  No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer at no extra charge?  How much money do I get?
ABBOT: Just one copy.
COSTELLO: I get a copy of money.  Isn't that illegal?
ABBOT: No.  We have a license from Microsoft to make copies of Money.
COSTELLO: Microsoft can license you to make money?
ABBOT: Why not?  They own it.
COSTELLO: Well, it's great that I'm going to get free money, but I'll still need to track it.  Do you have anything for managing your money?
ABBOT: Managing Your Money?  That program disappeared years ago.
COSTELLO: Well, what do you sell in its place?
ABBOT: Money.
COSTELLO: You sell money?
ABBOT: Of course.  But if you buy a computer from us, you get it for free.
COSTELLO: That's all very wonderful, but I'll be running a business.  Do you have any software for, you know, accounting?
ABBOT: Simply Accounting.
COSTELLO: Probably, but it might get a little complicated.
ABBOT: If you don't want Simply Accounting, you might try M.Y.O.B.
COSTELLO: M.Y.O.B.?  What does that stand for?
ABBOT: Mind Your Own Business.
COSTELLO: I beg your pardon?
ABBOT: No, that would be I.B.Y.P.  I said M.Y.O.B.
COSTELLO: Look, I just need to do some accounting for my home business. You know -- accounting?  You do it with money.
ABBOT: Of course, you can do accounting with Money.  But you may need more.
COSTELLO: More money?
ABBOT: More than Money.  Money can't do everything.
COSTELLO: I don't need a sermon!  Okay, let's forget about money for the moment. I'm worried that my computer might...what's the word?  Crash.  And if my computer crashes, what can I use to restore my data?
ABBOT: GoBack.
COSTELLO: Okay.  I'm worried about my computer smashing, and I need something to restore my data.  What do you recommend?
ABBOT: GoBack.
COSTELLO: How many times do I have to repeat myself?
ABBOT: I've never asked you to repeat yourself.  All I said was GoBack.
COSTELLO: How can I go back if I haven't even been anywhere?  Okay, I'll go back. What do I need to write a proposal?
ABBOT: Word.
COSTELLO: But I'll need lots of words to write a proposal.
ABBOT: No, you only need one Word -- the Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: But there's three words in...  Oh, never mind.
ABBOT: Hello?  Hello?  Customers!  Why do they always hang up on me?  Oh, well.
Ultimate SuperDuper Computer Store.  Can I help you?

The home page:  http://hometown.aol.com/falcons1965a


Rich